Throughout the Bible, God tells us about some “bad” girls that made mistakes. Some of those were BIG mistakes. I think God put their mistake in the Bible not for us to judge them, but to learn from them.
I loved reading Liz Curtis Higg’s book – Bad Girls of the Bible and What We Can Learn from Them. She also has a series on Right Now Media for the book that is engaging and will have you laughing. Let’s get started with the original bad girl of the Bible.
Eve was the original bad girl of the Bible.
She made the first huge mistake that brought sin into the world with her husband Adam. She allowed the serpents words to put doubt and even a little ego into her heart. The devil always has a base of truth, but sneaks in lies by expanding upon it. We can’t stop the whispering in our ears, but we can refuse to listen and respond.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7
Take time to read the Bible. This will prevent the “Did God really say…” doubt that can be so easily sowed into our heart. Eve added to the word of God when confronted with the snake. The Lord never told her not to touch it, just not to eat it. When we exaggerate God’s word we can sow seeds of doubt in the minds of others even if we mean well.
The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’” Genesis 3:1-3
The tree had been in the middle of the garden for who knows how long and they obediently avoided it. Suddenly the tree was the one thing on Eve’s wish it. She fixated on the tree instead of looking to God for the truth, seeking her husband for shared counsel (probably because she knew he would say no….), and looking at fruit that was available to her. Once this happens Satan doesn’t need to do anything else because the temptation will be so great. Where you focus is where you attention will go. Be self-aware if you are avoiding conversations with others that won’t tell you what we want to hear.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8
God will always be a loving Father to us. After they ate the forbidden fruit, they realized that they were naked and covered themselves with fig leaves. This is what we tend to do also when we are living in sin or mess up. We try to cover it up or worse surround ourselves with people with the same sin so we don’t stand out. We try to hide just like Adam and Eve. God knew what they did and that they were hiding, but still called out to them. He is a God that provides and made them coverings with animal skins. This was the beginning of innocent blood being shed for our sins.
When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9
And the Lord God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife. Genesis 3:21
We all fall short, but not short enough for his grace.
These are my takeaways and insights from Stickability by Greg S Reid.
What the heck does stickability even mean? The definition is a person’s ability to persevere with something, staying power.
Stickability has to be consistent with flexibility. A balance is crucial as we can take stickability too far. Know the difference between perseverance and stubbornness and then adjust as needed. This means you have to be able to identify those adjustments that need to be made. Be flexible on the solution & listen to others.
Every individual who has attained personal achievement can tell you that the question is not “Will there be tough times?”, the question is “When will they arrive?” It’s through these moments of uncertainty that our character is revealed. When we quit we automatically fail because we don’t achieve the goal. When we accept the challenge, we’re able to clearly understand the reason(s) for the challenge, find the opportunity, and continue on a different path. Negatives are just the tasks that need to be done to avoid a setback. Setbacks should be viewed as opportunities to reroute a path to success.
Obstacles can either make you quit or reinforce your resolution.
For every obstacle there is a solution. You just have to have the discipline to find the solution.
I love how he tells the story of some spider monkeys. The experiment put nuts in a jar where the monkeys would reach in to grab them but couldn’t pull their hand out with a clenched fist. The spider monkeys were unwilling to let go of the small nut in order to gain their freedom. They had neither discipline nor the wherewithal to surmount an obstacle that, to us, seems an easy fix: let go of the nut! This is what we mean by perspective. What to one may seem like an insurmountable obstacle, to another may seem like an easy fix. Use other people to help you gain perspective. Complexity is not about the size of the issue, it’s about the amount of weight you give it. Most people get stopped in the process rather than realizing that this is part of the journey.
Discipline
We all want happiness & prosperity in our lives – Happiness takes discipline. We have to have the discipline to determine carefully what this means for us. Once we have a clearly defined goal, we must maintain discipline to find opportunities within the challenges we’ll face along the way.
Focus & Control
What we focus on is what we see. When we seek good, good things happens. When we seek opportunity, opportunities occur. Now we do live reality where bad things happen. It’s our reaction to that bad thing that defines our lives. You can choose how you react. Someone is always watching us whether we know it or not. They are watching to see how we react to situations. How we handle ourselves will impact how they react. Keep in mind that even if you are going through a challenge that you need to be focused on the solution and not focused solely on the challenge itself. A problem is an unbearable blockade, whereas a challenge is an opportunity to find a solution.
Simple perspective to have: In the past, the future depended on the changes around us. Today, the future depends on the changes within us. The best decision you can make is to make a decision.
What causes failure:
#1 cause of failure is the inability to get along with other people. You can’t go it alone. You need others whether you want to or not.
#2 cause of failure is quitting when the going gets hard. No matter who you are, there will be a time when things get hard. You have to overcome that obstacle and push forward. There is always light at the other end.
#3 cause of failure is procrastination. You have the seize the moment when opportunity comes your way.
The quitter never wins, and the winner never quits.
Great ideas originate from
A need
An unsolved problem
An easier way of doing things
Great solutions are created
by a person or team with the ability to address one of these points
with the persistence to see that vision through.
Success Formula
A definite purpose backed by a burning desire for its fulfillment.
A definite plan, expressed by continuous action.
A mind closed tightly against all negative and discouraging influences, including negative suggestions of relatives, friends, and acquaintances.
A friendly alliance with one person (or more) that will encourage one to follow through with both plan & purpose.
Self-trust is secret to success. Have faith with yourself.
Have a cause that is greater than you. By focusing on others rather than yourself, you’ll be motivated to push past obstacles others find insurmountable.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your cause/goals.
Success Mindset
Maintain Mindset – Progress over perfection.
As long as you are moving toward success, you are therefore successful. Just be careful you don’t get trapped in the middle. Have to keep moving forward.
All successful people cannot succeed by themselves. You need a team and you need to be the leader of your team.
Nobody is born a leader, yet everyone is born with leadership potential.
Leadership is learned and practiced.
Learn to convert fear into relaxed intensity by:
Staying true to yourself. Let your passion and commitment become stronger than your fears.
Instead of focusing on the challenge, focus on the outcome
Don’t try to blend in out of fear of being different
Know that you have what it takes to be a good leader
If you think it is impossible, then it is……for you.
Make dreams a reality by
Decide what you want & write it down.
Stay focused.
Know your way/path forward.
Be accountable to yourself.
Enjoy the greatness of the moment. Life is short and needs to be enjoyed every step of the way.
This is your Cul de Sac Moment:
It’s the time in your life where you go inside and set up shop or simply drive on past. There is no exit. There is no retreat. Once you commit to venturing forward, you must live with the consequences.
Ask yourself every night, “Have you made a difference in somebody’s life today?”
Always give back to others. What simple step can you take today on the path to selfless giving to others?
“I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary because social media has taught you an ordinary life is a meaningless life.” – Brene Brown – Daring Greatly Book
An ordinary life can make a huge impact. The rise of social media has improved our life to keep us connected, but also diminished our life as we can get caught in the comparison loop that makes us feel ordinary. We see our friends going on big vacations, having fun when we were not invited, getting a promotion at work, etc…. We compare ourselves to that highlight reel when reality is probably something much different. Comparison is the thief of joy, especially for our youth that are focused on how many friends, followers, likes, comments they get. For adults, it can be their career, promotion, house, car, etc. We can wrap our identity in that instead of what we should. It becomes more about us and less about others. It becomes more about what people can do for us versus what they can do for others.
Abraham was an ordinary man that led an extraordinary life making a huge impact on the world. He made that impact by being humble and following God. Genesis 12 – Trusting God’s plan for his life even when it seemed impossible. There is another man in the Bible named Nimrod in Genesis 10. Many of you probably have never even heard of him. He was the first “celebrity” at the time known for his hunting skills. Genesis 10:9 “He was a mighty hunter before the Lord; that is why it is said, “Like Nimrod, a mighty hunter before the Lord.” It was like people saying today, “Man, you are Nimrod good!” or “You have game like Nimrod.” You had Nimrod jerseys you wore. Genesis 11:4 – Nimrod and his followers were the architects of the tower Babel. They wanted to make their own kingdom and power/dominance by building the tower. It was based in fear that if they don’t do something they will be nothing. They were building their life for their own glory and power.
We cannot build our life for the temporary here on Earth. Everything in this world will fade. We need the solid foundation of God. We need to be an Abraham when our culture is telling us that we should be like Nimrod. Our human soul is too weighty for something so fragile. Chasing the temporary will have us running in the wrong direction. We chase things and when we get to the top, we think “Is this it?”
Don’t build out of fear but walk out on faith. Abraham built an alter to God while Nimrod built a tower for his own glory. Abraham got to touch all of lives, while Nimrod fades in the background that no one really knows who he is. God’s kingdom will never fade.
What does it look like to trust God with the course of your life?
What goals do you need to refocus to be more God centered?
How can you choose to be content with the life you have, and not covet someone else’s?
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” Galatians 1:10
Having a good morning routine is a must have as it sets the tone for the entire day. If you feel rushed and stressed out in the mornings, you will be probably feel a level of stress and anxiety throughout the day. Having a routine of what to do and what order to do them gives you a sense of organization and feeling like you are ready for the day. Figuring out how much time you need and then giving yourself that time by getting up with your alarm.
Your morning routine needs to be made for you. What works for someone one else, may not work for you.
Challenge: Find out what works for you and stick with it for 21 days.
If you are just starting out, pick 1-2 things to start every morning. If you already have a routine, reflect on if it is working for you. Changing it up helps so you don’t get bored and you keep growing as a person.
Tips:
If you have trouble hitting the snooze button, put the alarm where you have to actually get out of bed to turn it off. Once you are out of bed, it’s a lot easier to keep going.
Add a new habit onto something you already do (called habit stacking).
Write down your routine. Writing it down just makes it real. It also helps you understand how long it takes to complete. This way you can adjust as needed.
Ideas:
Drink a glass of water when you first wake up.
Make your bed.
It’s a great feeling at night when you go to your bedroom and your bed’s nice and tidy that you get to turn down the sheets. Plus even if you don’t do anything else the rest of the day you can say you did something.
Do a 5 minute mediation, affirmation, or daily bible plan.
I recommend the YouVersion Bible App – YouVersion. It has hundreds of bible studies to choose from and you can do it with friends. Plus it’s FREE!
Exercise
Read for 15 minutes
Listen to a podcast
Write down 3 things you are grateful for.
The more specific you are the better. This gets your mindset ready for the day. Bonus: you will be looking for things throughout the day so you have something to write down so you will maintain the mindset throughout the day.
Write down 3 things that you are proud of yourself for.
We do not give ourselves enough credit for the amazing things we do each day. Use a “ta da” list throughout the day. Write down the things you accomplish throughout the day. You do a lot more than you think. This also helps when you wonder at the end of the day if you accomplished anything.
Create a realistic to do list for the day.
Top 3 must haves and then prioritize the rest.
Write in a journal to get all your thoughts about the day out of your head. I like to call this a “brain dump”
Goals begin behaviors. Consequences maintain behaviors. People who feel good about themselves produce good results.
Being a leader and goal setting is totally my jam! It is something that I constantly am looking for a better way to not only set goals, but also communicate them. This is can go both up to your manager or down to your team member. This book, The One Minute Manager, is a quick read that could bring big impact to your work life.
There are 3 stages to becoming a one-minute manager.
#1 – One Minute Goal Setting
If you can’t describe the problem and the solution to fix the problem, then you are just complaining. Be part of the solution! (ouch…right)
When making a goal, use the rule of thumb that the entire thing must be able to be read in 1 minute (one single pc of paper). You want to make it as simple as possible but have enough information that everyone is aligned. You both will agree upon the goal and the steps needed to get there. This gives ownership and understanding of the expectations. Make sure established checkpoints are defined to ensure performance towards that goal. This can be weekly, monthly, or quarterly depending on the goal.
This is not for EVERY aspect of the job. This is for major goals and responsibilities.
Goal setting is based on the person’s ability at that time. You set an achievable goal. Then next step you stretch that goal a little farther. Each time stretching the goal. Never stop improving and pushing.
If you are the manager: You do NOT do the talking. You do the listening and ask the right questions for the person to gain the confidence in the solution they come up with.
#2 – One Minute Praising
As a leader, you want to help your team members reach their full potential. You can do this by catching them doing something right.
When setting their goals, make sure they know up front that you are going to let them know how they are doing. Feedback is critical. This feedback needs to be in the moment. Don’t wait a week, month, or their next performance review.
Praise must be specific, so they know you really do care and know what is going on. Tell them how good you feel about what they did, how it helps the organization, and the other people that work there. Make sure to stop for a moment of silence so they can “feel” how good you feel. Touch is also helpful when giving praise. Depending on your relationship you can shake hands or put a hand on their shoulder. It is critical that what you say and do is sincere.
People will perform better knowing that you are watching and will actually start praising themselves. Your praise will be an added bonus to them.
#3 – One Minute Reprimands
Now to the hard and sometimes uncomfortable part of leadership which is reprimands.
The key to success with this is to make sure it is about their bad behavior and not the person. Never attack the person’s worth or value. Focus on the behavior and the person will not become defensive. Only discuss one thing at a time with the person. Do not save up bad behaviors. The behavior needs to be in the moment or immediately when discovered. Look them in the eye and tell them precisely what they did wrong, how it makes you feel, and how they are still a good person/asset to the company.
Always end it in praise. 1st Reprimand & then praise
We are not just our behavior. We are the person managing our behavior.
Overall
The best minute I spend is the one I invest in people. It’s better to invest in your people then new machines, etc.
Everyone is a potential winner. Some people are disguised as losers, don’t let their appearance fool you.
In the beginning, a new hire will need lots of attention to succeed. Goal setting, Praise, and Reprimands. Once they get their feet under them, most require little to no hand holding.
Even if they don’t need hand holding, feedback is critical for productivity and job satisfaction. People need to hear what they are doing right and what they are doing wrong on a regular basis.
Reflection is Key. Take a minute:
Look at your goals.
Look at your Performance.
See if your behavior matches your goals.
3 Choices when Hiring Someone
Hire a winner – hard to find and expensive
Hire someone with potential to be your winner & train them to be a winner
I highly recommend this book! – Work Stronger by Pete Leibman. If you are looking for a book to help you with creating better habits, this is the book for you!
I want to discuss what he called the “POWER Pyramid.” Each letter being an acronym.
P – Purpose
In order to maintain any habit you have to know what your why is. You always hear the saying “Where there is a WILL, there is a way.” He modifies this to be “Where there is a WHY, there is a way. Discovering why you want to do something will help you keep going when it gets tough and you want to give up or just stop trying. Figuring out your why isn’t the easiest thing though. So many people just touch the surface of it and when it comes down to it, the why they are telling themselves isn’t enough to keep it going. You need to really dig deep to understand why you want to go after whatever habit you want to form. Write it down and post it where you can see it. It should be something that when you see it, read it, say it in your head or out loud, you get your butt moving again.
I hear all the time “I can’t do that…” or “I am not a morning person.” or “That works for you, but it won’t work for me.” This is YOUR limiting belief that is holding you back. Telling yourself you can’t do something means you are basically setting yourself up for failure. If you believe you can and push yourself each day to take that small step toward doing whatever you “can’t” do, you will eventually get there. It may not be in a week or a month or even a year, but each day you will get better and improve. Telling yourself you are not a morning person, just means that you have to be intentional about your morning routine. Be intentional about when you get up and what you do for the first hour or 2 of your day. It will set the tone for your entire day!
You will NOT be perfect. You will miss a day or 2, but guess what. Day 3 you get back on that train and keep going. You do NOT give up on yourself. You made that goal for a reason. Remember what that reason is. Remember what your WHY is.
O – Optimism
This one is a BIGGIE. It is your mindset. I learned from this book that you can have a growth mindset in one area of your life and a fixed mindset in another area. The goal is to have a growth mindset in ALL areas of your life. Having this growth mindset will help you become the person you want to be. It will be the deciding factor on whether you achieve that goal you set or if it’s another missed opportunity. You can have a desire to change, but you actually have to believe you can change. Knowing your why (purpose) is critical for this. You can teach an old dog new tricks, as long as the dog has a purpose for learning new tricks and is optimistic that it can.
He describes what he called the “Headlight Method.” The habit you are trying to form is like driving at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but you can make it the whole trip that way. Setting big goals can cause “analysis paralysis” where you are too overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. You keep researching or putting off starting because it is just too big and you don’t know where to start. If you cut it down into bite size chunks (the size of what you can see with your headlights) you will eventually reach that big goal (your destination).
Focus on early wins to keep your momentum going. Get day 1 done. The next day, tell yourself you did it yesterday so you can do it today. After a week, you finished a week you can do another week. Start small and build on that positive momentum.
Find a role model to look up to. “If they can do it, I can do it” mentality. Someone who used to be like you, but overcame similar obstacles to get where you want to be.
When you want to change (purpose) and believe that you can change (optimism) you will have the mindset required to change or achieve anything.
W – The Way
We all have habits whether they are good or bad. The bad habits are easier. We get short term rewards and instant gratification. Good habits are harder because we do not always see the reward right away. It’s something that you have to build on.
You become what you repeat. It’s a cycle of cue, routine, reward. The cue is the trigger that tells your brain to do something. This can be an automatic like driving a car vs set reminders like your alarm clock. The routine is the action you do with that trigger. And the reward is what you get out of that action.
The best way to break a habit or start a new habit is to identify each step. Bored (cue) so you scroll through facebook (habit) receive stimulation (reward). Stressed (cue) so you smoke or drink (habit) in order to feel relaxed (reward).
How to change a bad habit to a good habit: Bored (cue) so you read an article, book, etc (habit) receive stimulation (reward). Stressed (cue) so you go for a walk (habit) to relieve stress (reward). If you experience a craving that you want to avoid, you can reduce your chances of giving in by focusing on the long term costs, instead of the short term benefits.
One strategy is to hook a new habit you want to form to an existing habit. Add the new small habit to something you are already doing. Drink more water so you hook it to your meals. Make exercise part of your existing morning routine.
Be okay with making modifications to your habit as you go. Don’t be stuck on having to do it this way because that was your original plan. Be flexible. This helps keep your routine fresh and can lead to better results. Give yourself GRACE. According to a study, the average time to form a new habit was 66 days with range of 18 to 254 days. Exercise takes 1.5x longer to form vs a habit of eating/drinking.
Finally, don’t try to do ALL the new habits at the same time. This is setting yourself up for failure. This advice is the same from John Maxwell, Brendon Burchard, Rachel Hollis. Pick one habit at a time to work on. Once you get it mastered, add the next one. These baby steps will get to the person you want to be. Some habits can take a week while others can take a month or more to form.
E – Environment
Your surroundings (Physical, Digital, and Social) influence all your habits.
Have trouble falling asleep or lay in bed playing on your phone for hours? Try these tips: Get rid of the temptation – charge your phone in another room or somewhere you have to get out of bed to get it. Make sure your alarm clock is facing away from you. If you are constantly hitting the snooze button, put your alarm 10 ft away from you so you have to get out of bed to turn it off. Get dark out curtains and make the room as dark as possible.
Have trouble snacking during the day or eating junk food? Try these tips: Put healthy snacks on the counter so you grab those instead of junk food. Don’t buy the junk food! If not buying it isn’t possible, put it somewhere out of sight or hard to reach. You have to really think about it to get it. Meal plan. This has helped me the most. Plan out what you are going to eat that day. That way when you are hungry you aren’t guessing or grabbing something unhealthy.
R – Reinforcement
You can either allow yourself to be controlled by the outside world or you can take control of your behavior and set the habits for your life.
In order to have personal accountability, you need to track your habits. Track your behavior daily. Review weekly / monthly and if you are not getting the results you want, you need to identify new behaviors that will help you for the following month. You don’t know whether you are achieving that habit without tracking. Find a friend that can help hold you accountability. Find a health and wellness coach that can help you (me!).
It will get hard! You will want to give up! Having this accountability partner will keep you going. Knowing your why will keep you going.
How do you want to show up for your life? What do you want to achieve? Identify a challenge that you are 50-75% confident that you can achieve with your best effort and focus. 75-100% means it is too easy and not bold enough. <50% means that it is too bold at this time of your life.
You can make excuses or you can get result. You can’t do both. Honor the commitment that you make. Every broken promise/commitment erodes the trust that you have in yourself and the trust that other people have in you. When it comes to keeping promises made to yourself and to others, perfection must be the goal. If you break a commitment, there better be a good reason. (not excuse)
